I have just made a surprising and jarring discovery about what it means to be a bohemian in the traditional and modern sense. Upon completing a survey just now that was to determine how much I valued my extrinsic goals versus intrinsic goals, I have been made aware that I value social recognition, financial success, and attractiveness much more than the average person in comparison with affiliation, community involvement, and self-acceptance.
The fine print basically told me that I am a victim of the pressures that a self-serving society imposes on its luckless inhabitants, that I am far too interested in satisfying others’ view of myself than my own.
This is a startling development for several reasons. First of all, I’ve always prided myself on being specifically independent: I’ve moved where and when I wanted, I’ve left home by choice, and left comfort zones by choice on more than one occasion. I’ve declared my ambition to successfully establish myself in the professional art world as my only ambition, and am currently working toward that goal.
Also, I believe that my whole life has been in the pursuit of self-acceptance, -understanding, and -love. I find that no one understands me the way I do, therefore I don’t really need them to accept me; though I easily admit that I do place an extremely high value on social recognition. Without the recognition of countless unknown people, how can I be sure that I’ve effectively accomplished my goal of success? Recognition is required in order to validate my life’s work.
But the most terrifying of all these realizations is that I, apparently, in an effort to become and remain as faithfully bohemian as one could ever be, am completely the opposite of the definition of “bohemian.” A bohemian condemns accepted social goals, could maintain a happy and penniless existence as long as it was in the vein of what they love to do. They could be living on the street or in a commune, as long as they didn’t have to participate in the struggle to become like everyone else. They pride themselves on being so different, that the current social climate is far behind them and undeserving of his or her attention.
But then, as I think on this, I start to wonder: Are these not the goals of the traditional blue-collar class? Is not the desire to eventually have achieved a life of successful work, without need of recognition or attractiveness, surrounded and known by only those who one truly loves and is loved by the desire of the typical working Joe?
Where and when did this distinction occur? I have never felt less bohemian in my entire life, let alone so confused that the working class hero is more of the true and free soul than I. Am I really only a slave to social acceptance? Is my desire to finally achieve the end-goal of financial conquest and a face, personality, and occupation that others can only dream of envying really just my attempt to become normal? Is that really what “normal” people want? Did the bohemians of old really not care for success?
I find myself entirely confused by this turn of events, or at least, turn of phrases. I am beginning to question my motivations. Am I both, perhaps? Or neither?
Put your own goals to the test: http://www.personalitylab.org/tests/goals18.html
Put your own goals to the test: http://www.personalitylab.org/tests/goals18.html
